DaBlackRose

so basically, we had our first test a week ago.

Unlike in undergrad, the goal on our tests is to be around the class average.  This was a big adjustment for me.  The test was all of 88 questions, which doesn't seem too bad until you realize that each question is 12 sentences about how your patient presents to you as the doctor and all the answers are so close to the real answer that if you didn't quite know or if you weren't 100% confident -- you can easily be talked into a wrong answer.   The test took me over 4 hours.  I feel ridiculous admitting that. But i wasn't even close to be the last person to leave the test.  I left thinking I didn't fail, but i definitely guessed on about a third of the questions.

Also, its only been 4 weeks and I have run out of INK in my industrial yellow highlighter.  What is that!?


The best way i can explain med school thus far is in undergrad, the instructors gave you a warm bowl of soup which you finished each semester.   Here I feel that they throw ingrediants at you, no reciepe, and tell you to make that soup for 50 people.   Its all the same information, you just have to figure out how to pull it together and memorize it way quicker than should be allowed.    I don't see why this portion of our education isn't simply three years instead of two.  It would be worth it in my mind.  

We went through my entire biochem classs in 1 hour.  Where we were expected to know every step of glycolosis, krebs cycle, PPP, and FA synthesis for the test.     Then next lecture!  Say what!!


meh, sorry if this is really disjointed.   I feel out of it all the time.     And for some reason no matter how many hours i sleep i always feel exhausted.  If i don't have a good hour nap, i fall asleep during studying.   Werid....


anyhow. that is the summary of my life.     now i think i'm gunna go take a nap. *yawn*  my final for this section is next week.... i would be panicking if i could manage some semblance of consciousness...   I'm not convinced this is the best way to train future doctors. ...

i dunno why but i finally woke up and realized, oh crap i'm IN med school.

Pft. after four weeks i still haven't fully realized, despite the innumerable cancer lectures and the information overload and the crazy schedule where i can't even remember what day it is.

When did i get to med school and HOW DID I MISS THAT?  

Whoa.  Crazy.

(more later)

o.o  Just one little week until I move in at med school.  And two weeks until school starts. They sent me an exam schedule for the YEAR. Whoo. A test every two weeks right on the dot. 

I hope I can make it through this year, this semester, that first week. I keep telling myself not to be nervous. But like that has ever worked before.  Being just a week away from what I've worked for for so long, It's hard. You can sense the change.  I"m just not so sure this is really what i wanted, but it's too late to stop it now. So I guess i'll have to change that to I HOPE it ends up to be what I wanted. 

My puppy, Hammie, is coming with me. I am more worried for his sake because I don't know how much time i'll have to play with him.

I am more excited to be moving out of my parents house, however. I'm actually more stoked for that. There is a certain age where kid should not live with parent, and that age has passed. I want out. Finally!  Thank God for med school and student loans.


Note to Self: Don't go to med School just to get out of living with your parents.

its strange how your viewpoint changes as you get older.  That is something my mother always used to tell me. And something i never believed until now.

I recently saw the tv mini series band of brothers at the urging from my grandfather. He sat me down and talked to me about where the movie was right.  He had been in world war ii and shot twice in the arm.  His life story was very close to that of the guys in the movie.  he even met his wife, my grandmother, dancing at a wounded soldier dance because of his wounds.

My grandmother was also apart of the war, not just because she experienced teh after affects of what it did to grandfather, but also as navy intelligence breaking japanese code. She still remembers some of it and was apparently invited to teh white house for breaking the battle of midway code.

I remember years ago how they had always tried to tell me these things and how i never listened. It is sad really, because they can't remember as much now. 

So i am trying to write up as many detalis as they remember so it can be written.  I mean they're both upper 80s now.....

its sad that i had to wait so long to care...

So i know i shouldn't use this journal for whining. but i need to. Because i need some advice. and because this has lasted far too long.

I am going to med school in two months. This will take over my life and leave no time for writing. So in these months I have left, i wanted to finish and post all the stories I have in the works.

I've been working back and forth on them and...  I suck. Like geniunely suck.  I have written several stories in the past before that i've been pretty proud of.  So I don't think its one of those false modesty types.... even the friends who always read my stuff and gush over it, stay silent or say 'its pretty cheesy'.

I thought maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself. So I went to the library and got a bunch of good books. I rented movies and didn't do writing except when i felt like it.  And i find i want to write, i just SUCK.

Am i out of practice that badly?  Could I have lost any skill that i had already?  I want the release of writing something good again. Of finishing a story and know that i can come back and it won't be embarrassing.   Maybe the s                  tories are beyond my capabilities. But that sucks.

I was thinking that maybe a good editor or two would help and force me to learn good writing again, but.... most of mine are gone or busy. And they are so rare to find. Anybody know anyone good at throwing around plot ideas and identifying weak areas?

Don't feel obliged to answer, but if you have any insight, i could really use some.....

I am morally opposed to twitter....also the song 'my heart will go on' and the major freakout over swine flu that is completely unnecessary!

w00t!  I finally started posting on ff.net again!

Its amazing what a new fan review can do for a good kick in the butt. :)  I have finally started revising and re-posting Curves of the Hourglass... Though i must admit that i'm only half into it. I sorta just want to finish it -- so i'm not totally putting my all into making the plot and stuff fantastic.  But hey, it means i'll re-post and start writing again (as long as the steaks aren't that high it might be a good place to start).

Then i hope i can start getting inspired again. Finish all my current works and get them out there! wish me luck!!

Hello everyone! As promised in the circlet newsletter, Baine, the_sweet, and I have been working hard to make a bunch of Sailor Moon writing user icons. However, we ended up getting a little carried away with some only writing icons and some others. So be sure to scroll down and check em all out.

We will be updating this every month with new icons, so please feel free to check back frequently. If you have an idea or request let us know by commenting to this post. We are taking requests!

If you like one (or many), they are FREE but  please give credit and leave us a comment.  To give credit, you can post the simple code:  <lj user="THIERNAME">  </lj>   Where THEIRNAME is please insert creator's name. This will link only in LJ! for linking instructions other than on LJ please comment and we will assist you.

Passion
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Upon a time
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Don't Tell
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words live
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Focused
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character
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Writing Icons

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Plain Icons

Yay! i just made myself a custom layout. Shweets!  I still have to mess with a few things, like centering the banner and whatnot, but i really like it & my new default user icon!  WIN. It only took me 2 hours to figure out WTF stupid LJ new themes.

I <3 LJ spring designing!

Post one quote/ quick scene from each WIP you have. No context, no explanation. Just a tidbit for everyone to get a feel for each story.  Enjoy.

 Warning: Profanity.



1- "Seiya, why did you force your wife to be a stripper?" she asked, eyes sparkling with determination.

2- "don't just stand there, you useless lug!" Mars murmured, blood running from her mouth.

3- "Are all girls this obsessed with flowers?" Mamoru motioned around the room flustered.

4- "I am usless!" Rei burst, startling Endymoin out of his thought.  "I have no place here. I 'm the Senshi of War in an era of peace. I scry for evil energy when it has been obliterated. I am the defender of a kingdom that has no enemies.  I'm Serenity's best friend, but she..." Rei clutched the fabric at his breast pocket, unable to go on, but her eyes continued their violent battle.

5-  She threw her fist against the glass, shattering the image, "NO one could ever... LOVE. YOU.  You ignorant. STUPID. UGLY. GIRL!" Her anger faded into despair as she sank to the floor.

6- "I hate death. I hate screams and darkness. I hate defeat and final hope. But only when all three are combined can I be called forth. I am the fucking captain planet of destruction! And I loathe it."

7- "The glory and spoils of war change centuries, but the also destroy individuals.  That day the mud was rank with their bodies, both that of my people and my enemy. But it doesn't matter when you're down. The dead are only dead. When we return home, we are expected to celebrate but we must carry the terror that one comes to understand only in the mud of death. Love's tragedy cannot compare to the ragged dying breath of a soldier that you just ran through. Especially when its the woman you love."

8-  He smiled lecherously, "I bet you're kinky in the bedroom. A hot doctor like you, working too much for a boyfriend. I bet you're secretly begging for it." 

Ami stared blankly at him before responding. "I"m going to cut open your thumb to drain the puss out. Please hold still."

9- Mina closed her blue eyes as a dark-haired boy passed in front of her. She caught a whiff of his as he slid past. It lingered for a moment and then dissipated in the chilly November air. The smell of men in the morning was her favorite. It was the real reason she pulled herself from under the warm comfy covers of her bed.

10- "You," his simple answer echoed deeply off each wall in the maze of time with such authority she allowed it to enter her thoughts.  Tiny shards of glass burned their way through her chest suddenly making it hard for her to breathe. Sudden and immediate desperation overwhelmed her soul with the urgent need to hold him, touch him, be with him. It took several seconds to regain control, but not even she could stop the inevitable.

11- Then she had been a leader, a hero, a soldier. Here she only had burnt banana muffins with no one to console her.

12- Don’t let my death disturb your dancing! he thought sourly..

</fck:meta><3! I feel a little skitzophrenic now. This is a great way to get inspired again! I think I'll go write now....

So, now that I've been accepted in one medical school, a few more had to call. And i thought, "hey, I like options!" so i stupidly went to the other interviews. And of course that only complicates things. So now I have two acceptances, one more interview, and $2,000 due March 16th to save my seat....  and only enough money for one.

I have sat around in the shower, my bed, my computer chair, on med student forums, and even youtube to try to decide between these two schools to decide where i should deposit my money.  *sigh*   its non-refundable and i haven't even gone to the interview in CA.

Thus far the school from iowa (des moines university) and kansas city (kansas city university) has accepted me.  And i just can't decide. I"ve made lists, talked to to students, flipped coins, talked to every friend i have....

and the only conclusion that i can arrive at is i just don't have enough information to make a good decision!

Gah!! How do people make these big decisions all the time?  Any advice?

So i just have to post.... because my LONG wait is finally over.  I got into medical school!!!! Its so hard and so many people don't make it and i feel so.... relieved. FINALLY.

No more essays and homework for a long while!!  w00t!!!!!! 

The school i got accepted into is Des Moines University  in Iowa.  And i'm so happy about it!!!!

yay!

hello everyone. I posted this in the circlet as well, I apologize if you get this message twice. I know a lot of you silver members are already in this but for those who don't know about it....

There is a new community called Sailor Moon Fanswap where everyone signs up to do a story or art for someone else. If anyone is interested this community is going to get their first round going JAN 21st 2009 which means ya gotta sign up TODAY!

the timeline is: assignments given out Jan 28th.  due by: April 30   June 30: reveal who did what.

Here's the link for more info (or to sign up!) :

life's been hectic lately. But the good news is I've gotten ALL  my med school apps done. Now I'm just trying to find a job. Which means I'm back!

I've got big plans. These aren't resolutions, since those never get fulfilled :) But these are my plans for the next few months.

1- Continue & Finish Fated Webs, my most complicated series yet.

2- Create more avatars.

3- Design and build several more websites. Including InSilverInk.net

4- Read through half my book list.

5- Find a good paying job and an affordable apt with the boyfriend

6- Create my first AMV

7- Learn to draw anime from youtube :)

8- Learn to use photoshop to make those pictures either better or create new pictures.


if anyone can help me with these goals, please let me know!  otherwise, HAPPY NEW YEAR.

so the last part of this semester is going to be hardest for me, so don't expect much from me. Most people are very excited to graduate... but i think its a pain in the ass. i have to get everything done and have superhuman will to do it. 

Beyond homework, my medical school secondaries are calling me and i've been offered a full time job as a computer programmer..... that's 9 hours from my boyfriend.  and i basically have to chose him or a job...

i hate complicated stuff like this.  TOo bad i don't have time to write a story about it!!!

So, I made some Sailor Moon avatars 1- because I have always wanted to and 2- because aliciablade asked for them for christmas (and what better way than to give a digital gift)! I thought atlot about locking these for friend posts or not, but as NaNo gets into its last stages... I think its nice to have some avatars to express your feelings and hey, most people dont' really know my journal is here.

So...  for the first time ever, I created I think I have 13 here.  Feel free to go through take what you like and leave what you don't (a little credit would be nice).  All my avatars are no bigger than 128 x128 because that is the "standard size" that i could find but I know alot of places have a 100x100. So I included a variety of senshi, emotions, and a few different sizes. If you really like one, feel free to resize it to the size you want.  This is my first time but, I did get better as I went along!

Writing (because of NaNo and alicia) was my main theme but I do have a few non-writing mixed in.

Also, expect more in future posts. Now that I feel I know what I'm doing, I think I can only do better. Let me know if you have an idea or a phrase or a good picture. I am always looking for more ideas & pictures.  This avatar thing is very... addicting :)

( Check Em Out!!! )
That's all for now....

So because i'm bored, and by request, my friend TehMels asked me to show her some of my old sketchbooks of when I was an artist :P that was way back in freshman year. I decided to include them all for your viewing pleasure (because I'm bored) enjoy.

( See Da Pictures )

So NaNo has been no sucess story for me, no huge pile of astronomical amounts of pages, but instead I finally remembered how to find my muse...

I decided to explore other options since nothing was really helping.  Finding music, watching TV, and homework was definitely not helping.

Everything I've written before today has been so crappy that I'm ashamed to call it mine, but today was different. Because I finally found my muse in the silence. I sat around without an ipod, without homework or a book, no friends to chat to, and I didn't have my phone. I just sat there in the cold waiting 45 minutes for my bus to take me to my computer. 

I'm SO FREAKIN' excited about it!  I thought she had moved away without leaving a forwarding address!  I didn't work on my story Fated Webs today, instead I just wrote. I think its going to be a character study of Mina...

I think I will call it (if i can find a plot in it) The Smell of Men in the Morning...

my favorite quote: The sky was cotton-ball white, the kind that exploded into feathery snow but only to spite the weatherman.

Perhaps I should do a few more practice exercises in silence to get in my groove before I start back up on Fated Webs....

So just to set a high bar today, not as high as Alicia, but you know.

So I finished a bunch of homework today. And I am going to finish CH 1 today.  And start (by start I mean more than two scenes)  another chapter.

Wish me luck!! I'm going to devote at least two hours to editing and I can't wait!

Okay! I'm officially frustrated.  I have only been doing this NaNo thing for 3 days now and already its killing me.  I finished chapter 3 and started on chapter 1. And I just can't do it.

I have a homework assignment for journalism class (that is ironically required to be 2,000 words long) and on top of that, i just can't not edit.

I read what i wrote the first several days and its really lame shitty crap. I hate lame shitty crap!! I can't not take my time and edit and make each chapter what it should be. I can't do it.  I never had a problem with motivation to write (usually) and forcing me to write lame shitty crap, just isn't workin for me.  I can see how it would with some, but its not the way I work.

I think i'm going to officially pull out of the NaNo competition.  I don't like what my writing has turned into. I might as well have not written at all. I'm going to have to go back and rewrite the whole thing! I might as well do it right the first time.   I think instead I'll just try to get my first 5 chapters done perfectly.  And we'll see if we can't get more chapters than that.

So sorry folks, but i'm outta this word count game.  Instead I think I will just work on getting good chapters done.

But good luck to everyone else.